A dictionary of terms used by the locals. If
you feel we have missed any others, please let us know. You know the
drill, e-mail us at email@example.com
Adrian Blake - Having the attention span
Possessing a particularly large pair of ears and having a propensity
for orange vegetables
Albert - The ability to support a team
best by not attending matches (See Jinx).
Aldershot - Possessing a large and
annoying following despite the fact that the team consistently
Amber - A colour that, for
some mysterious reason, was mistaken for fluorescent yellow for a
Andy Deaner - The act of attempting a
spectacular overhead volley, whilst only succeeding in missing the
ball completely, and ending up in a crumpled heap on the floor.
Common use: He did an Andy Deaner there!
- Possessing an annoying ability to score at least one more goal
than we do.
Berks and Bucks Cup - Two
blokes in the away end.
Billericay Town -
Having flags of an unbelievable size.
Wood - The act of signing virtually the entirety of another
team's squad, thus consigning yourself to a season of mid-table
Canvey Island - Possessing a
trumpeter who only knows one tune, and that tune he is unable to
Car Park - Area of land where you
are in extreme danger of being brained by a golf ball, or an Andy
- Target for the less talented of our strikers (see Andy Deaner,
Simon Patterson etc.).
Casuals - The act of not only being proud to wear pink (see also
Dulwich Hamlet), but matching it with brown.
Flag - See Clock.
- Showing an extreme relutance to make any effort to play the
- Having a hairstyle fashioned from exotic fruit
Jean Zepherin - The act of totally failing to instill any
confidence in your ability to keep goal.
- See Andy Deaner.
Hamlet - The act of being proud to wear pink (see also
- Having a ground that holds far too many people.
Railway - The ability to loose to an inferior opponent.
- Achieving success through the use of 'loads-a-money' rather than
any real talent. (See also Rushden & Diamonds)
- See Albert
Kenny Dyer - Having a
surname that describes your footballing ability perfectly.
Cleevley - One who is more likely to attack the opposing fans
than he is to save a goal.
- An area of ground more suited to skiing than to football.
Mark Pye - The act
of finding mooning amusing, despite being over 12 years of age.
Deaner - The ability to resign without any apparent loss of
Metropolitan Police - The act of
having three floodlights.
Nigel - A
very loud noise.
Roy Merryweather - The
ability to appear to be constantly smiling.
& Diamonds - Similar to a Hornchurch, only in better surroundings.
Patterson - The act of singularly failing to show the slightest
amount of effort whatsoever.
- Horrible place that became instantly wonderful at the start of the
- The act of blaming anyone and everyone for your own failures.
Weeks - An elastic period of time with seemingly no
Thurrock - Two
blokes and a dog in the away end.
- Having railway sleepers masquerading as a pitch surround.
- Sounding better than it actually is.
Park - The promised land.