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Football Jokes

Football is a game in which a handful of men run around for one and a half hours watched by millions of people who could really use the exercise.

Football players are the only people who can dribble and still look neat.

Three old football fans are in a church, praying for their teams. The first one asks, "Oh Lord when will England next win the World Cup?"

God Replies, "In the next five years."

"But I'll be dead by then," says the man.

The second one asks, "Oh Lord, when will Slough win the FA Trophy?"

The Good Lord - answers, "In the next ten years."

"But I'll be dead by then," says the man.

The third one asks, "Oh Lord when will Maidenhead win the Ryman League?".

God answers, "I'll be dead by then!"

The match was over and Andy Deaner, who had muffed three easy goal shots, as usual, came over to the manager and said,

'You'll have to excuse me if I dash off, chief. I've got a bus to catch and I don't want to miss it.'

'Off you go, then,' said the manager. 'And better luck with the bus.'

A good Referee

1) Must be fair

2) Must be consistent

3) Must make correct judgments

4) Must be able to stay in control

5) Must award your team at least two penalties and give out two red cards to opposition players

Is your goalkeeper getting any better?'

Not really. Last Saturday he let in five goals in the first ten minutes. He was so fed up when he failed to stop the fifth that he put his head in his hands - and dropped it!'


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